people who decide what i do with my body
- not u
My brother was trusted to go shopping for the first time yesterday and he bought 39 loaves of bread because it was on offer so now our kitchen is just full of a fuckton of bread and we have nowhere to put any of it because our freezer is full, my house is like a shitty math problem right now.
1. do you identify as a woman
2. congratulations you’re a real woman
I LITERALLY DO 8 SECONDS OF WORK THEN REWARD MYSELF WITH 40 MINUTES OF TUMBLR LIKE CAN I STOP DOING THAT
what kind of animal do i have to sacrifice to the makeup gods to be good at liquid eyeliner
let us never forget the time in 2008 when Barack Obama brought Joe Biden cupcakes for his birthday
and Joe Biden was like super fucking happy about it
who wouldn’t be super fucking happy about the president bringing them cupcakes
You are like:
And they are like:
im having one of those unattractive days
i mean years
did you know that teachers are instructed to get in between two boys in an altercation and break their eye contact because boys will disengage once the immediate situation is interrupted but they’re instructed to like never ever get in between two girls in a fight because girls wont stop after they lose sight and will actively try to go through whatever’s in between them and teachers are supposed to wait for security to break the shit apart
teenage girls will fuck your shit up
they should have made specialty ice cream flavors for the election
mint romney and obamanana split
i’m 500% done with this site
Actually it is more than just a toaster; it is a short story.
“Finally” denotes anticipation.
“My mom” is character development: you have a mom.
“Bought a toaster” is the clear resolution of the story.
It speaks volumes.
its just a toaster
Don’t say that
I need a job, and money, and a car, and an anti aging machine so I don’t need the others.